Posted 9 years ago
For several years I held on to overwhelming grief after I was flooded with one loss after another of the people I loved. I called it “my cascading waterfall of loss”. My first child was born with a lung and heart condition and never left the hospital. She passed away when she was 18 months. A couple months after my daughter passed away, 4 grandparents and my best friend passed away, one after the other. Shortly after that my son was born with Down syndrome. Then the last tragedy occurred when my father was diagnosed with stage 4 bladder cancer. I took care of him day and night for 11 months until he died in my arms.
I didn’t think I would ever make it back to being happy again. I did the usual feeling sorry for myself and asking the question, ”Why is this happening to me?” Just as I picked myself up from one tragic event, another tragedy occurred. I decided to just stay down and not even attempt to get back up. What was the point?
Then one ordinary morning I was working with my son on his communication when I noticed him smile and laugh in a way I had never seen before. He was authentically happy. So I asked myself “How can he be this happy?” He is fascinated by everything, yet fears nothings. He inspires love, hope, joy, kindness, peace and acceptance in everyone he meets. There isn’t enough darkness in all the world to even cast a shadow on his light. At that moment I realized all my so-called tragedies in my life, were actually gifts that had enriched my life.
Life has a way of offering that which we need the most. Then I remembered what my college professor used to say, “The falls of our life provide us with the energy to propel ourselves to a much higher level.” So I decided to transform my suffering into insight.
I went back to graduate school and earned my Ph.D in Molecular Anthropology so I could do genetic research on Down syndrome. I also created a non-profit organization where we help individuals with Down syndrome and their families by providing information and resources through free classes. Moreover, we give free presentations to doctors and nurses at area hospitals on how to emotionally support new parents who just received a diagnosis of Down syndrome after birth. Last year we held our first fundraiser, which enabled us to provide Christmas presents to 20 special needs families in Orange County, CA. This year our goal is to reach 50 families.
In addition to our Down syndrome center, I’m in the process of creating a grief center, where trained grief coaches can provide emotional healing free of charge to people after their loss of a loved one.
I finally found my purpose in life once I changed the way I looked at things. I am now able to appreciate the fact that I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I ended up exactly where I needed to be.